Gathering Leaves

Quilt Front

I just finished making a quilt for my dear friend Madeleine.  This quilt has been on my "one of these days" list for a long time and I'm so happy to have made it!  This quilt was made as a way to say thank you to Madeleine for a service that she rendered to me in November of 2011.  I have always felt that words were inadequate to express my appreciation for what she did for me, so I used the love and tears that went into creating this quilt as my way to more adequately say thank you.  

What did she do 13 years ago?  Well, I'll tell you- it is something that is hard for me to write about, but it is important to be told- I will not be editing this for fear of wanting to take things out, so this will be posted in raw form. 

  In short, Madeleine saved my life.  

I'm not being overly dramatic when I say this.  What she did saved my life even though she was unaware of its impact at the time. 

In October of 2014 we moved into a rental house across the street from Madeleine.  Paul was 2 months old and Mark was 17 months old.  I was experiencing severe postpartum depression and didn't quite know how to deal with the stress of life at that time.  I would spend a lot of time staring out of the window in the living room or the kitchen.  I'd sit there for long spells throughout the day.  Daniel was working from home so he did help a lot, but he was really busy with work (60-80 hour weeks). We honestly didn't know what to do about my depression.  I didn't experience it to this degree after Mark was born, and  I think that we just hoped that it would go away soon. But it didn't.  

  One morning in late November or possibly early December I had been staring out of the window in the living room for a long time.  I just felt broken. I was in a bad spot physically, emotionally, and mentally. I had recently stopped breastfeeding because I was getting so angry at Paul every time he needed to eat.  With Mark I didn't love breastfeeding, but I was never upset at him for needing me.  I had to put the knives in a cupboard instead of on the counter top because I was having terrible thoughts every time I saw the knives. Something was way off for me.  

While I was sitting on the couch, just zoning, I decided that I wanted to die.  This was the day that I was going to end this crappy life that I was living. I felt that my family didn't need me if I was going to be so unhappy and such a burden to them. My biggest hangup was trying to decide if I wanted to take the time to write a letter to Daniel and my two boys, or just disappear from their lives.  

Paul was sleeping and Mark was playing with his toys in the room with me, and Daniel was in the basement working so my plan was to put Mark in bed and go into the garage start the van and to kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning.  At that moment, I saw Madeleine go into her front yard and start to rake the leaves. There was a snow storm coming in and since her daughter didn't get the leaves off before she went to school, she decided to rake them off before they got trapped below the snow.

In the middle of all of this grief that I had, I sat and watched her rake leaves for a few minutes.  Then I had a very strong feeling, almost as if it were a voice speaking to me, telling me to go rake leaves. I knew right then that I needed to go put my coat on, put Mark's coat on, go into the garage to get the rake and help Madeleine rake the leaves.  

So, that is exactly what I did.

I didn't open up to Madeleine how I had been feeling (I did tell her about this day many years later) I just worked by her side and had a great time with her.  She appreciated the help and I desperately needed the distraction.  She was my angel here on earth giving me the help when I needed it.  We formed a great friendship. Both of us have moved several times since living across the street from each other,  and we have made it a point to get together.  We only live a few minutes away from each other right now and I love being so close to her!

I finally did go to see a family doctor about my depression in January.  He told me that "being a mother is hard work so you'll just need to get over yourself."  His words, not mine.  I didn't get the real help that I needed until that following September with my OB/GYN, I didn't know that I should have gone to her to start out with. It took a few years of medication to undo the damage that had been done (I was experiencing panic attacks on top of the depression at that point). Thankfully I was able to move past that dark time of my life. 

Because Madeleine and I both share a love of quilting and autumn leaves, I felt that a quilt with leaves scattered on it was a great way to say what I just can't seem to say with words.  She took me on a drive through Alpine Loop to see the fall leaves for my birthday this year and that is when I decided that I needed to make this quilt that has been living in my head a reality. 

I titled this one "Gathering Leaves"

I made the striped patterns and cut them to make the leaves.  The center square is white to signify the impending snow storm.  It finished at 53"x74".  Machine pieced and quilted by yours truly. 

Our trip to see the leaves

On the drive I took a picture of this grove of trees
 (Birch and Quaking Aspen are two of my favorite trees)
When I looked through the photos I noticed that the tree on the bottom left had letters on it
(a practice that I heartily do not condone, by the way)

M+S
it is perfect! 

Quilt Back

Label detail

Out of the wash with it's crinkly goodness

I am very grateful to Madeleine for being a wonderful person.  I always feel so lucky that she includes me as one of her friends.  During a dark time of my life I was blessed to find a friend who has continuously added joy and light to my life.  Whenever I spend time with her I come away a better person. Spending time with her in the mountains seriously rejuvenates my soul and re-energizes my life. I smiled all day after going on the canyon drive with her!  

I will forever be grateful to Madeleine for gathering leaves on that cold autumn morning. 

Life truly is wonderful.



From the scraps of the quilt I made a little quilt for me. It is inspired by a quilt made titled "Bright Birch" by Amanda Jean from Crazy Mom Quilts.   I think of Madeleine every time I use it!

quilt front
Pick Up Sticks

quilt back