Our Homeschooling Adventure

I haven't written out my feelings and experiences with homeschooling Mark.  It seems a bit pointless now, though, because today was his first day back in public school- at his request.  The 'honeymoon' phase of homeschooling was over fast- in fact I'd dare say that it was a terrible honeymoon. 

We talked with Mark about what we would require of him if he were to homeschool.  We wrote down our goals for him and had him read them.  He agreed to our terms.  BUT, he didn't figure that we would follow through with them.  He figured that homeschooling would be easier than public school, that he could fly through his assignments within 2-3 hours a day, and that he could spend the rest of the day playing computer games.  Ummmm, do you want to take a look at that paper that we had you read?  It didn't allow for more than 2-3 hours of computer time and required 5-7 hours of study and volunteer time.  I didn't have all of the curriculum in place when we started, so I told him that he could do more of his computer programming and art each day until we got other things lined up.  He did the bare minimum of anything that he agreed to do. 

We had weekly meetings with me, Daniel and Mark.  Mark cried during all but two of the eight meetings that we had (not because we yelled at him or were mean, but because we told him that we would be adding more responsibility each week).  I cried after many of them.  The benefits of homeschooling (working at your own pace, spending time with family, field trips, setting your own schedule, etc.) are wonderful, but we couldn't allow Mark to homeschool without taking advantage of the academic benefits (learning more in depth about subjects, moving through textbooks more quickly,working on more subjects that aren't included in public school, etc). 

I have invested a lot of time into homeschooling.  The first half of my day is spent with Mark.  I enjoy his companionship (mostly), but I do not feel adequate to be his teacher in math and science.  I got a Bachelors of Arts, not a Bachelors of science for a good reason! I took algebra and I remember most of it, but I am not proficient in it.  He needed a better teacher.  Daniel is a great teacher and great at math, but he is really busy with work (two jobs/contracts right now plus cello and Tae Kwon Do) I did find a math resource that had instructional videos that we felt would help.  If I wasn't sitting down with Mark, he wouldn't work, but he figured that the hour that he just spent messing around while his math book was open counted as an hour of math being done.  I needed him to be more self-driven and show more effort (both issues were discussed in the afore mentioned paper)

We gave Mark an assignment to write two persuasive essays.  One on why he should homeschool and the other on why he should attend public school.  He had all day on Wednesday to do it, and we would discuss it at our weekly meeting on Sunday. Thursday was Thanksgiving so the day before and the day of I was super busy in the kitchen and shopping for groceries that I didn't check up on him.  On Friday I asked him if he had the essays done, and he threw a fit.  No, they weren't done- not even started- and he was mad that he had to do it.  We told him that he couldn't use the computer for anything until the essays were completed and turned in.  He sulked.  He was sour and mean to everyone.  A few hours later, Daniel was resting and Paul, Seth, Jane and I decided to go outside to play (the weather has been amazingly warm for November!) I decided to go and check on Mark and  I discovered that he had snuck onto the computer!  He retreated to his bedroom.  As I went upstairs, I realized that his journey  to homeschool was over. 

By Saturday morning, Mark hadn't started his essays.  Daniel gave him a deadline of noon.  If they weren't done, then he would definitely go to public school.  At noon he handed in two pages with bullet points on them.  It wasn't an essay and it was done very sloppily.  His objections to public school mounted to not wanting to stand at the bus stop in the cold weather and not being able to pick his schedule.  He said that reasons to not do homeschooling is because he has to work harder to be social (a requirement on our paper!) and he had to work harder with his school work.  He put "I'd have to put more effort into my studies.  It's not that I don't mind, but I really enjoy being lazy."

Homeschooling has to work for the family. Daniel was ready to call it quits after the first month.  Paul chided Mark a few weeks into our adventure saying, "You are ruining my chances to homeschool".  I wanted to work things through and over time get things to be how we wanted them to be. Right now I can't put the work and effort into his learning if he is going to be lazy.  I didn't realize exactly how much work it would be for me.  I really hoped that Mark would be a better independent learner.  We have no immediate plans for homeschooling any of our other children (except for Jane for preschool). I love that each family has the option for doing things to work for their family.

After 8 weeks of homeschooling, I am done.  I have mixed emotions about how things went.  I didn't expect this to make me feel so stupid- and teaching algebra made me feel that way (it has been nearly 16 years since I took algebra).  I didn't expect that I would cry so much over all of this (perhaps I would have cried over other things anyway- it has been a rough patch for me). 

Could we have made this work?  Maybe.  I'm positive that it would take a big toll on Mark and Daniel's relationship- it already had. Things may have worked out over the next year.  I was dedicated to doing it for a year, but Mark wasn't dedicated to doing it the way we had outlined at all.  I wonder if we had been doing homeschooling all along if it would have gone differently.  We  could have done things differently. We could have given this more time and perhaps had things turn around.  We struggled with knowing when to keep going and knowing when it was time to call it a day. 

Public school is going to be a lot of work for Mark.  He will be bored in class.  He will spend just under an hour walking through the hallways to change classes.  He will be subject to foul language and possibly bullying.  He will be surround by (gulp) girls (yes, he notices girls!).  He will learn to adhere to the rules set before him or reap the consequences.  He will struggle with deadlines. These are things that he will adapt to.  He will need to make choices as to what kind of person he wants to be and who he wants to associate with.  I am excited for him to make these choices- to watch him progress and become a young man.  He has been armed with the ability to make good choices.  It is up to him.  That is hard to accept as a parent.  I have to allow him to fail. 

I mentioned that he cried at all but two of our meetings.  The last meeting we had, I expected him to cry and throw a fit at us when we discussed the idea of him going back to public school, but he didn't.  He was very calm, easy to talk with, and almost relieved.  If he wasn't relieved, he was resigned.  He didn't want to do homeschooling OR public school, so he had to decide between the two.  He decided to go to public school (with a bit of persuasion on our part!).

I am at peace with our decision (but the house sure seems quiet today!)