Before I Turn 40

Last year when I was 35, turning 36-but thought that I was 36 turning 37, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to accomplish before I turned 40.  It was my bucket list for my 30's.  With my actual 37th birthday quickly approaching, I thought that I should revisit my list and get busy checking things off.

Here is my list:

• Go on a sunrise hike
• Walk on a real beach 
• Complete the Free-Motion Quilting Project
• Quilt the Orion quilt (I made the top when Mark was a baby)
• Host a music recital
• Teach someone how to quilt
• Take guitar lessons
•  Run a 5k
• Digitize my parent's pictures
• Digitize my parent's VHS tapes
• Edit and label parent's pictures and videos
• Make scrapbooks for the kids
• Do some woodworking/make a piece of furniture

I have the 5k and the music recital in the works. Some things I feel will be easier to wait until Jane is in school (like the guitar lessons)- but maybe it is just a convenient excuse? 

I'm not dreading turning 40, but I might dread it coming so quickly if I don't get working on my goals! 

Thinking

 I've been thinking,
A dangerous pastime
I know.

I have been struggling with writing my PhD posts.  I have sat down many times with the intent to write them and hopefully get ahead by a few weeks, but I sit at the computer and I can't figure out what to write.  I have the questions and topics all written out and I have even outlined some of the answers, but I am struggling to write them out.  I wasn't quite so sure why until I started thinking about things and piecing together how I have been doing the past few months.

I keep a calendar by my bed where I keep track of how I am feeling.  I track my headaches, gastrointestinal problems, my period and my mental health.  It wasn't until I looked at the past three months together that I found a pattern.  I have a big fat 'D' on most days.  D stands for depression on the calendar.  I rate my depression level with D (blah, downer day), D1 (can't stand to be around myself day), D2 (BAD) D3 (REALLY bad).  I haven't had a D3 since right after Seth was born, and I am not complaining.  I am glad that I have just dealt with 'blah' days and nothing more serious, but three months of this?  Blah!

I took a good look in my closet and it confirmed that I am feeling depressed.  I usually keep it really organized, but when I just don't really care, it gets really messy.  I don't hang up my clothes by color and style, I am just happy to have the clothes hung up.  Clothes get piled up on the floor instead of in the laundry basket 2 feet away.  I have had good days where I have cleaned things up and gotten things back on track, so I guess that I didn't realize how often the bad days were here because I have had quite a few good days.

The reason I have been struggling with writing my blog entries is because I really struggle with writing when I am depressed.  I second guess myself.  I don't even leave comments on other blogs or Facebook status updates.

My PhD is going to be on hold for a while.  I really do want to work on it, but it isn't going to work right now.  The last thing I want to do is force the answers and force a post.

I'm thinking about what I want to do about the depression.  I have been terrible about going exercising and I know that it helps my mental state  a lot.  I am going to go to the gym even if I don't feel like it this week.  I knew that it will help me feel better.  Don't worry about me, I really am doing good. I am just aware that I have been more down than I thought I had been and I am going to work on changing that.

PhD 8

If you could go back and re-do something from when you were in elementary school what would it be?
There is a moment in the 6th grade that has haunted me all of these years.  If I were granted a re-do I would choose to go back to a moment when I made a decision to go with the crowd when I knew that I shouldn't.

This moment happened in the school gym.  We had just finished our P.E. time and we were lining up at the door to go back to class.  A few people were lined up, but nobody else was getting in line.  I went to get in line and someone teased me for wanting to stand behind Melinda Alan (or Allen?).  I vividly remember that split second where I had to make a decision and I decided to go with the crowd and I refused to get in line.  The teacher finally figured out what was going on, forced the class to line up and she sent Melinda to the office to get some papers copied while she lectured us about being nice.

I look back at that and I cringe that I was so mean to her.  She came from a poor family.  She was a new student that year and lived in the apartments near our school.  All she really needed was a friend, but our entire class decided to have that be the one thing that she never got.

I seriously feel so much shame for not seeing that she needed a friend (I was in desperate need of a friend at that time too, so why I didn't I defend her and befriend her?)  I have so much regret for being involved in that behavior.  She was teased, mocked and excluded.  That had to hurt.

If I could go back in time, I would have made the better choice to get into line and tell those bullies off instead of becoming one of the bullies.  I know that I would have become part of their target, but they were more afraid of teasing me, so it would have been easier on her.

Over the last 23 years since that day, I have wondered what ever happened to Melinda.  She moved away and we didn't attend the same school in 7th grade.  I hope that she was able to rise above the cruelty and meanness that she experienced.  I know that she would be a beautiful woman right now.  I just hope that she finally found a friend because she deserves a good friend.

I have tried looking her up on Facebook, but I haven't had success.  If I could find her again...

Melinda, I am sorry for not standing up for you.  I am sorry for adding to your challenges.  I sincerely hope that you have found peace in your life.  Please forgive me for not being the friend that I knew I should have been.    You truly deserved better than what you received.

PhD 7

This week has been rough.  I have had a head cold and I feel lousy.  I thought that I was feeling better, but last night my sinuses went crazy on me and I am hurting.  My teeth hurt and my jaw bone hurts, I most likely have a sinus infection.  Oh joy...

Jane has been feeling sick too.  Poor little girl.  She is finally eating better, but still not as much as she was last week.  I don't like being sick.  But I REALLY don't like having sick babies.  Especially when I am sick too.

I wanted to work on my PhD this week, but never got around to it.  Last night I started on it, but I wasn't feeling well, so I thought that I'd finish it up today.  I felt worse today than I did last night, so I'm sending out what is done and I hope to catch up next week.  Yes ideally I'd be 4 weeks ahead of schedule, but that has yet to happen!

Here are a few  is one of my favorite things:

What is your favorite flower? I like daisies.  They look very happy to me.  I like the different colors they come in (I know that some flowers look like daisies, but aren't daisies, but I still like them!) I like that they last a long time in a bouquet.  I like that they are easy to grow.  Hopefully this year I will be able to plant some in my yard.

A funny little story about flowers.  I was dating a guy (Aaron) and he wanted to surprise me with flowers, but he didn't know what kind I liked.  At the time I hadn't really thought about what I liked, so I didn't have a favorite.  Aaron called my friend Sherrie and asked her what my favorite flower was.  She didn't know so she called and asked me and I told her that I didn't have one, but that I liked lily flowers.  Sherrie called Aaron and he bought me a large single lily.  It looked really strange to be one lone flower and it had a strong odor (not pleasant one).  Essentially the favorite flower thing didn't go well, so I decided that I needed to figure out what my favorite flower was.

I remember thinking that Aaron was really sweet for going through all of the work to find out my favorite flower, but Sherrie told me that SHE is the one who did all of the work!  She was right!  I'm still perplexed that he couldn't figure out a sly way to talk about flowers with me to figure it out on his own.



My head is in a fog. I will need to do more later.

PhD 6

Memories about elementary school.

Memory #1 Jami
The elementary school I went to had a class that consisted of children with disabilities.  It was called Resource, but I don't know what it is called now.  My next door neighbor Jami had Williams syndrome.  She was challenged mentally (would never advance past a 2nd-3rd grade level) but physically I couldn't tell that she belonged in Resource. I remember being in 2nd or 3rd grade and standing in the hallway of the school where the old tower building met up with the newer addition.  Resource was in the tower and Jami was in the hallway, probably just returning from using the bathroom.  There were two boys in the hallway teasing Jami.  They were calling her names and just being mean.  I was really upset that they would treat Jami that way and I called out to them and told them to stop.  They backed off and I escorted Jami to her class.

I think that having that class in my elementary helped me to be more comfortable with people who have special needs.  It was just a normal thing to have someone who needed special help in the school.  The kids would come into the regular classrooms occasionally, some for half a day and others just for certain activities.  It was a benefit to all of us who were around them because it helped us see these kids as real people.   I was glad to help Jami, but I still get upset when I think of those boys teasing her. It just makes me so angry.

Memory #2 Mrs. Davis
My Kindergarten teacher was Mrs. Davis.  I don't remember her as being a warm and loving teacher.  I have talked with several of my friends who had her and they feel the same, so I'm not imagining things.    The details are shaky, but I guess that I didn't finish my work and I was in the play area with all of the other kids.  She picked me up and carried me to my chair and set me down rather roughly.     

Memory #3 Gym teacher
In the 6th grade I had a gym teacher who I thought was really cool.  She was a lot of fun to be with during our P.E. time.  From what I recall, she was single and probably in her mid 20's.  Looking back now, I know that she had crossed some boundaries with her students and I wonder if anything happened between her and other kids.  She would invite kids to do things after school.  At the time I thought that it was cool, but now I understand how inappropriate it was.  She definitely could not do this kind of activity today with out getting into trouble.

I was invited to go swimming with her and a group of my friends.  I know that Heather, Jennifer D, and I think Stephanie went with me.  We went to the high school pool and had a great time together.  In the locker room is where I felt uncomfortable because the gym teacher stripped down and showered in front of us.  I know that showering in the locker room isn't a bad thing to do, but being naked in front of your students is a crossed boundary that made all of us girls feel uncomfortable.  I remember quickly rinsing off in my swimsuit and going into a stall to change. 

Memory #4 Perfect attendance award
In 6th grade I worked hard at getting a perfect attendance award.  I went to school even though I was having headaches.  I went to school every day (I was checked out after lunch a few times, but the school counts as perfect attendance).  I was on time to school every day that year.  

On our way to the award assembly at the end of the year, my teacher announced that anyone who was tardy for any reason would not receive the perfect attendance award.  Since I was the only person in the class who was in the running for this award I was confused.  I then recalled that earlier in the year ALL of the girls came into school late because we didn't hear her say it was time to go in.  We lined up as a class with boys in one line and girls in another.  She came and got the boys, and perhaps the girls at the front of the line didn't see them go so they didn't follow, but however it happened, all of the girls were outside when the final bell rang.  When we noticed that we were the only class left out there (which, by the was, wasn't the only time we were the last class to have our teacher come and get us) one of the boys came to get us.

That was the ONLY time that I was tardy, and I don't think that it really counts as a genuine tardy.  I did not receive the perfect attendance award and I was hurt.  I cried.  My mom talked with the principal and he said that the teacher had the final say over which awards the students received.  I made a quick enemy (when you are 12 years old, it is easy to hate someone when they wrong you).  It was a good thing that school was over in a day or two, because I lost all respect for my teacher and felt that she hurt me on purpose. I usually picked out a gift to give to my teachers at the end of the year (bouquet of flowers, little notebook, ect.) but I had no desire to give this teacher a gift.  My mom tried to convince me to be nice to her and thank her for the year as my teacher, but I was so hurt that I didn't want to acknowledge my teacher for anything.  So I gave my teacher nothing out of spite.

I was going through my papers in a memory box a few years ago and I found a paper from my classmate  Jessica Archuleta.  She made me a perfect attendance award with construction paper and crayons. I cried when I found that paper.  It was sweet of my friend to make that for me.  It was certainly an act of kindness to help me feel better.  I really just wish that it was never necessary.

PhD 5

Where did you go to elementary school?  I went to Liberty Elementary in Murray, Utah.  We were bussed to school, but it wasn't too far away (about a mile).  We were bussed because we had to cross 6400 south and there wasn't a route with sidewalks.  Occasionally we would walk home and we would walk on the railroad tracks all the way home.  Not a safe route, but it sure was fun! 

Liberty Elementary started out as a three (maybe four?) story building.  They added on to the school and eventually tore down the old tower when I was in the 6th grade.  I remember having preschool in the old tower. The tower didn't have an elevator, and I remember that when my friend Jennifer Davenport broke her leg in 4th grade, she had to switch classes because she couldn't get up the stairs with the wheelchair.  Her class was in the tower and the other 4th grade class was in the newer section. 

Did your siblings attend the same school? Because my parents stayed in the same house for 40 years, all of my siblings went to the same elementary school.  My older brothers and sister went to a different Jr. High school than the rest of us did because of a boundary change.  My brother, Randy, was in elementary with me until I was in 3rd grade. Debbie and Denise started Kindergarten when I was in 3rd grade (I think).  Once I was out of elementary school I didn't have siblings in the same school as me again.  I often wondered how it would be to have a brother or sister in high school with me.

Randy, Denise and I had the same 6th grade teacher, but we all knew her by a different name.  Randy had her as Ms. Gilbert (single), I had her as Mrs. Blanton (1st marriage), and Denise had her as Mrs. Mahawsky (2nd marriage). 

Do you remember your teacher's names? 
Preschool: Mrs. Swim and Mrs. Chapman
Kindergarten: Mrs. Davis
1st: Mrs. Albertson
2nd: Mrs. Hayse
3rd: Mrs. Kisselburg
4th: Mrs. Johnson
5th: Mrs. Monson
6th: Mrs. Blanton

Who was your favorite teacher? I really liked my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Kisselburg.  She had long hair and I always thought it was beautiful.  I always felt secure with her.  She called me her little Sherroooneee.  Every once in a while I would stop over to the school and say hi.  I remember that she came to my wedding reception and Daniel was rather amazed that my 3rd grade teacher was there! 

What kid of student were you?  Did you ever get into trouble?  I was a good student.  I wasn't the smartest kid in the class, as math and science have always perplexed me, but I enjoyed learning.  I can think of two times where I got into trouble and got reprimanded with more than a verbal warning.
I was in the 3rd grade and the teacher said something about doing an assignment and I said "I don't want to do it" out loud and several students agreed with me.  I was sent out into the hallway to sit down for punishment.  Our coats and backpacks were stored in the hallway of the school and I was horrified that I was being sent to the hallway. (That doesn't happen anymore, you are usually sent to 'think time' in a different class, but not sent unsupervised into the hallway).  I knew plenty of kids who had been sent to the hallway for being naughty and I was embarrassed that I was joining the rank.  I hid behind the coats.  Doris Chow was being checked out of school and she took her coat off of the coat rack and nearly exposed me.  When it was time for me to come back in, the kids couldn't find me, so they got their coats on to go look for me outside, and I revealed myself.  When I got back in to the classroom, I had to do the assignment without any explanation.  I failed the assignment and I was mad.

In the 6th grade, my teacher was lecturing us that we needed to think about what we said before we said it.  As I was listening to her I thought that she probably wasn't thinking about everything she said before she said it, or it would take her longer to put together her sentences.  I said that to my friend, and the teacher overheard.  I thought about what I had said, but I didn't think about he consequences.  We were going to gym and the teacher grabbed a dictionary, paper and pencil and told me that I had to sit out of gym and write out the first page of the dictionary (the "A" page).  It took me most of gym, and I wasn't trying to finish.  My teacher said that she was sorry and that I could go and join the last few minutes of the game.  (Guess she didn't think through her punishment before saying it out loud, huh?!)

PhD 5 Favorite things

What is your favorite color? I like earth-toned colors like brown, green, orange, and red.  If I had to pick just one color, it would be green.  I really like the different shades of green on tree leaves.  I like the green of bushes and the stems of flowers.  Nature provided me with green eyes and I like them.  I use to wish that I had blue or brown eyes like nearly everyone I knew, but now I enjoy having green eyes.  I was wishing that one of my children would have green eyes, but they don't.  They all have beautiful eyes, though, so I don't feel too bad.  My eyes are green, but they are not green with envy anymore!


What is your favorite season?  I love fall weather because it is still warm enough to play outside but it is cold enough to snuggle in a sweater.  I really like spring weather, as the plants emerge from the ground and the branches, but because I really like earth-toned colors, I call autumn as my favorite season.  It may be a bit narcissistic, too.  My birthday is in the fall, so I might really like it because of that! 

What is your favorite time of day? I am going to answer this in two parts.  My favorite time of day is generally the evening after dinner when we are getting ready for bed, kids taking baths and doing homework.  I enjoy doing story time with Seth and getting hugs and snuggles from my kids.  For the most part it is a relaxing time that we spend together as a family. 

The second part of this answer is more of a literal answer, it doesn't have anything to do with what is going on in my day, but rather the literal time on the clock.  I love numbers and patterns, so with the time of day, my favorite time is 12:34 because it has 1,2,3,4 right in a row.  I enjoy seeing 12:34 p.m. on the clock when I am making or eating lunch, but I kind of cringe when I see 12:34 a.m. on the clock because I really should be asleep.   I also like 1:23, 1:11, 2:22, 3:33 4:44, 5:55, (is it a good thing that there isn't a 6:66?!) 2:46, 10:11, 11:12 and 12:13.  When I see 9:23 on the clock, I always wish myself a happy birthday!


What is your favorite song?  My all time favorite is She Believes in Me  by Kenny Rogers.  I remember hoping that I could find a husband who felt this way about me.  When Daniel and I were first married, his parents gave us their old records and a record player.  We sat down on the floor in the dining room of our apartment and listened to the records.  The Kenny Rogers album was near the top, so we listened to it.  I put the needle on the record and we listened to She Believes in Me .  I started to cry because I was so happy that I had found someone who loved me.  I was married to a man who I trusted and who I loved and he knew that I loved him.  Whenever I hear this song, I have many happy memories and I feel secure in Daniels love.  I still get a bit teary-eyed when I listen to it. 

A few other songs are up at the top of my favorites list:  
September Morn  by Neil Diamond.  Again, could be narcissistic, because it deals with my birthday month.  I'm not exactly sure what it is about this song that makes me feel nostalgic.  I love the idea of "dancing until the night becomes a brand new day" and "two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play".   I love the piano solo in the middle of the song because it is so simple, yet beautiful.  I also love the guitar line at the very end of the song.  This song is a story of a person who is remembering a time he spent with someone.  I have never spent time with someone as the song states, but I like to think that when I look back at things that I have done with Daniel, I will have feelings that are as calm, happy and beautiful to me as this song makes me feel.

Unaccompanied Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major, Prelude  This song completely relaxes and calms my mind and soul.  I love to listen to this when I feel hurried or stressed out.    The version I listen to is by Yo-Yo Ma.  I really enjoy listening to cello solos.  When Jane was just a few days old I was trying to breastfeed her but I was too engorged for her to latch on, so I put on a cello solo cd and listened to it while trying to pump.  It helped my body relax.  That was the night that I called it quits on breastfeeding.  I look back at that moment with sadness, but it was still a beautiful moment and it had the perfect background music. 

The last song is Beautiful in My Eyes  by Joshua Kadison.  I have the piano book the album that this song comes from.  I really enjoy playing through this song and listening to it on cd.  When I read or listen to the words, it makes me think of Daniel.  He really does make me feel beautiful, no matter what state my body is in.  When I was at my heaviest, he didn't see it.  When my body was bloated and large from pregnancy, he saw beauty.  Sometimes I wish that I could see myself through his eyes.  I am so grateful that I have his eyes to watch me grow more beautiful as we grow old together.

 
Beautiful in My Eyes  by Joshua Kadison
You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

The world will turn and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
And my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.

When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
and when the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
we can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
The passing years will show that you will always grow
ever more beautiful in my eyes.

PhD 4

Since Daniel and I just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary, I thought that I'd write a few things down about how we met.

How did you meet your husband?  Daniel was my manager when I was a waitress at Hooters.  Ha!  Just kidding!  We were both living in Pleasant Grove, Utah.  He was living with his brother Ben and I was living with my Aunt Elaine and Uncle Alan Bezzant.  We were in the same church ward, but I was working in the nursery (kids ages 18 months to 3 years old) so I wasn't part of the Young Single Adult class.  I decided to go to a single's ward, so I was released from the nursery calling.  After I was released, I decided to move back to Murray to live with my parents at the end of the semester, so I stayed in the family ward and went to the single adult classes for a month or two before moving back home.

Daniel remembers seeing me when I was singing with a group of girls during the Sacrament meeting program.  He told Jessica (his sister-in-law) that he wanted to go out with me.  After the song I sat down with Elaine's family.  I sat next to my cousin, Russell.  Russell and are the same age and we were good friends.  We teased with each other and Daniel saw us and thought that we were dating (since Russell's last name is Bezzant and mine was Willes and he didn't know that we were cousins).

A few weeks later Russell and Daniel were together and Russell said told Daniel that he should ask me out.  Once the relation situation was resolved, Daniel was excited.

Daniel taught the lesson in Sunday School that next week and we walked home together afterwords.  I told him that my computer had just died and he offered to come over and take a look at it.  He came over and worked on my computer while I sat on my bed and wrote a letter to my friend Larissa (she was on a church mission in Bulgaria).  I remember writing something to the effect that if Daniel and I were to marry, our children would have 20 sets of aunts and uncles (7 kids in my family and 15 in Daniels).  I really liked Daniel, but I wasn't anxious to date again at the moment.

The church group had a river rafting trip scheduled and we had a meeting to plan the particulars of the trip.  Wendy Robbins (the group leader) assigned the girls to the food and put the guys in charge of activities and other things.  Daniel was the only one to volunteer for an activity, so I opted out of the food group and joined him.

We went on the trip together and enjoyed being together, but we still had a wall up.  I wasn't sure if I was ready to date again so I kept my distance a bit.  I liked Daniel, but I wasn't ready to show it- especially not on a trip with my cousins and uncle there to tease me about it.

The day after the trip (Sunday), Daniel called me and asked me to go on a date for the following Wednesday.
  
Do you remember where you went on your first date? Daniel and I doubled with his friend Paul and Paul's fiance, Alyson.  We went to Paul's parents house for dinner and then went to the Hale Center Theatre in Orem to see a play called Kiss and Tell.   After the play, we went back to my aunt's house.  We sat on the doorstep and talked for several hours.  We felt so secure with one another.  We told each other things that we wouldn't normally talk about on a first date.  I called him the next day to invite him to see the fireworks in Salt Lake City on Friday for the 24th of July celebration.


How long did you know him before you got married? We met in late May/early June.  We went on our first date July 22.  We were engaged in mid September and married six months to the day of our first date on January 22, 1999.  I didn't want to get married in December because I was finishing my final semester of college (BYU) and I was working full-time.  I also didn't want to get married during the 'semester break rush'.

PhD 3

What was your father's profession?  My dad was an appliance repairman for Sears.  He fixed washers, dryers, refrigerators, microwaves, ovens and sewing machines.  Around the house he could fix any appliance we had.  I remember that our clothes dryer was getting really old and he was able to put a new part in and fix it.  We joked that he could resurrect any appliance.  We had the green washer and dryer set for a long, long time.

My dad's salary was modest, putting us in the lower end of the middle-class.  We qualified for reduced lunch aid. We couldn't afford name-brand clothes or lavish vacations, but we never went hungry or naked and managed to go on several family vacations.  My father's salary didn't bother me until I was in Jr. High school.  The way the school boundaries were at that time, I went to school with the part of Murray that had a lot of doctors and lawyers (an area referred to as the Dairy).  That was really my first time realizing that we didn't have a lot of money.  We weren't poor, but we couldn't afford to do the things that a lot of my friends did.  I am not bitter about that, it was just a fact of life that I remember learning.

My father had a respectable job and he worked hard at it.  He retired a few years early because his health was declining.  His knees, back and elbows were really sore.  I remember him hobbling up the driveway after work most evenings.  It was a great decision for him to retire when he did.  He had worked for Sears for over 30 years.

My mom didn't work until I went to college.  She worked at the elementary school as a teacher's aide for a while.  After a break, she took a job at White Elegance, a clothing store for LDS temple ceremonies.  She works there just one day a week now.

I remember being up in Idaho during my freshman year of college and I was having a rough day.  I called home to talk to my mom and she wasn't there because she was at work.  It was weird because I suddenly felt abandoned.  I was spoiled to have her not working when I was living at home.

Where did you live?  I grew up in Murray, Utah.  I lived in the same house my entire childhood.  In fact, my parents have been living in that house for over 40 years.  They moved in when my oldest brother was a toddler and stayed.  They bought their house for $15,000.  I'm not sure on the square footage, but I guess that it is around 1800 square feet.  It is a split-level home with three bedrooms and a bathroom on the top floor, a half-bath, living room and kitchen on the entry level and a , 3/4 bath, family room, a nice sized laundry/utility room and a bedroom in the basement.

I had my own room until the twins were born, then I shared a room with Kim.  When Dan was born, my oldest brother was getting ready to go on a mission for the church, so for a few years we had Randy in the basement bedroom, Kim and I in one room and Debbie, Denise and Dan in the other room.

My older three siblings all got married within an 18-month period, so once they were out, I had the basement bedroom, Debbie and Denise shared my old room and Dan finally got his own room.

Describe your neighborhood.  My neighborhood consisted of many one-level, rambler, and split-level homes.  There were a few two-story homes and they always seemed so big and extravagant next to the smaller homes.  It seems that the neighborhood had three main floor plans.  Two of my friends had the same floor plan as my house.  I didn't realize that they were the same until I was about 12 years old.  Each house had the basement finished off differently, and minor differences with door placement and such, but it was fun to go through the houses when I realized that they were the same basic floor plan.

We had a large condominium complex and apartment complex a few blocks south of our house.  We had a lot of kids move in and out because of the transient nature of condominiums and apartments.  I had three girls (Lib Remington, Heidi Dellinger and Tennelle Wanlass) and two boys in my neighborhood (Mark Ogden and Klint Davis) who were in the same grade as me.  I had several other friends who were just younger than me.     
What is your first memory? I vaguely remember talking to a nurse at the hospital in front of some elevators when I went to see my little sisters for the first time.  I would have been just shy of 4 years old (3 years, 9 months old, to be exact!)

Are there any other vivid memories from your early childhood?  My parents had a mint green van.  I didn't know anyone else who had a mint green van.  We had a lot of mint green things; our van, the washer and dryer, the vacuum and my dad's work van.  The funny thing is that my dad doesn't like mint flavored things! 

Kelly, Randy, Sherron and Kim in front of the van.

 I remember playing with a large wooden spool.  I don't know where my dad found it, but it was a lot of fun to play with.  He would bring one home occasionally and we would use it until it fell apart.

Kelly, Ronald (my dad), Randy, Sherron and Kim in the backyard with the large spool.

 Wallpaper.  Oh the wallpaper.  The kitchen had a large floral wallpaper that was yellow and blue.  It was never my favorite.  We had it for years.  My dad built a booth to accommodate our large family at the kitchen table.  He was very fashion savvy and matched the manogahide to the wallpaper!  The counter tops were yellow, too.  When I was in high school, the wallpaper started to peel away from the wall and I remember tearing it off of the wall, which kind of forced my parents to do something about it. I remember decorating the wall with pieces of paper that we had written quotations and silly thoughts on.  My parents have removed the booth (and the half-wall between the living room and the kitchen). 

Whenever I see yellow floral prints I think of the wallpaper!

The lovely wallpaper and booth.  I am amazed at how much my little Jane looks like me in this photo.

Jane 8 months old

My Favorite Things PhD2

What is your favorite type of movie? I enjoy romantic comedies, clean comedies and inspirational movies.  I really like watching a movie and feeling uplifted at the end or having a smile on my face because it was a fun movie.  Most action movies do not inspire or excite me.  The level of violence in a lot of movies really turns me off.  I do not watch movies about war.  I know that war is real and that it is historical and the stories and events surrounding wartime can be really inspiring and beautiful.  I really just can't get over the violence and hate that surrounds war.  I literally get sick with a headache and a sore pit in my stomach when I think about men fighting.  Mankind shouldn't hate so deeply.  I understand the need for change and that sometimes war is the only or last avenue to pursue, but I don't enjoy learning about the details of war.  Soldiers who witness things first-hand are scarred for life because of the events.  I get nightmares just thinking about the horrors they witness and I don't care to use my free time to watch war movies.

What are your favorite movies?  From the titles of this week's and last week's posts, one would be inclined to guess that The Sound of Music is one of my favorite movies.  That would be only partly true because I only like the first 2/3 of The Sound of Music.  I like the movie up to the point where the VonTrapp family is playing cat and mouse with the Nazis.  Suddenly this fun, happy musical is a war movie, and I don't feel safe or happy with it anymore.  Sure, they get away, but have you ever thought about what happens after the movie ends?  That family is stuck trying to cross a mountain with no supplies.  Since the movie is roughly based on real events, I know that the family survives, but I would rather have seen the movie end where they are truly safe, not heading into a treacherous escape into a new country.

Movies that are my favorites (in no particular order) include It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World, Oscar, An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, It's a Wonderful Life (yes, that one takes place during a war, but it doesn't take place on the war field), My Neighbor Totoro, Radio, Sneakers, Ponyo, Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version), No Reservations, Singin' in the Rain.

What is your favorite theater play? I don't really have a favorite play, but the plays that I enjoy most are comedies. I don't think that I have gone to many dramatic plays (I saw Jane Eyre it was a musical- I didn't enjoy it much).  Daniel and I went to a play on our first date.  We saw Kiss and Tell. If I ever have to opportunity to see that again, I'd love to go.  It was witty and a lot of fun to watch.

I use to work at Desert Star Theatre as a waitress and in the box office, so I saw a lot of comedic plays while I was a teen. 

Who is your favorite actor?  I am not a big fan of movie stars.  While I enjoy movies, I don't get hung up over any actor.  I don't read People magazine or follow the awards shows.  In fact, I feel sorry for a lot of the movie stars because fans won't leave them alone.  I certainly wouldn't want the amount of attention that a lot of the stars get, so I try to leave them alone.

I do have several favorite actors though.  My favorite actor is Tom Hanks.  He has played many different rolls and I am amazed at how well he takes on the characteristics and mannerisms of each unique character.  I just find it amazing that the actor who played Forest Gump is the same actor who played Cast Away.  Philadelphia is another movie that made me appreciate his ability to portray his roles so convincingly.  

I am a sucker for Jimmy Stewart.  I think that he was a handsome, down to earth man.  I have read a biography of Jimmy Stewart and I enjoyed reading about how the cinema world worked when he first started making movies.  (Is it hypocritical to loath fan magazines, but to read a biography?)  I love watching James Stewart in the movie called Mr. Kruegers Christmas.  He was a delightful old man in that movie.  

Who is your favorite actress?  This one is a tough one because I don't really have a favorite.  I really liked Meryl Streep in Julie and Julia because she really put on a great show.  I'm not sure why, but there isn't a female actress right now or really ever who I gravitate toward.  I use to really like Meg Ryan because of her role in Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail, but I haven't enjoyed much from her since then.

Let's Start From the Very Beginning

A very good place to start.  When you read you begin with.... Man that song is stuck in my head now.  I thought that I would start my PhD series with some of the basic information about me.  So here we go!

When and where were you born?
It was a dark and stormy night.  Well, it was dark, but not stormy.  I was born on September 23, 1976 at 4:46 am.  I was 8 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches long.  I was born in the Cottonwood Hospital in Murray, Utah.  My first two children were also born in that hospital.


Any information about your delivery?
My mom had really quick labors.  She woke up only about 1 hour before I was born and realized that she was in labor.  We lived only a few miles away from the hospital, so they got there in time for me to be born about 20 minutes later.  The nurse said that since I was in the posterior position (when the baby's head or rather,  face, is facing up during deliver instead of facing down) my delivery occurred at the hospital.  I most likely would have been a home or car birth if I hadn't been posterior.  The nurse also chided my mother for not coming in sooner because they didn't have a chance to 'prep' her (shave her lady parts and give her an enema).  I say good for my mom for missing out on that archaic labor prep. 

How old were your parents when you were born and what is your birth order?  My dad was 32 years old and my mom was 29 (and turned 30 the next month).  They had been married for just over 10 years (married in January of 1966).  Come to think of it, I was probably the product of their wedding anniversary celebrations.  I was their fourth child, second girl.  Kelly was 8, Kimberlee was 6,  Randy was 4.  My parents had three more children after me.  Debbie and Denise were born when I was 4 and Daniel was born when I was 11.  If you do the math, that makes me the middle child.  

Do a dear, a female dear, ray a drop of golden sun..  I seriously cannot get that song out of my head, and now you probably can't either, sorry.

Me a name I call myself: What is your full name and why were you named it?  Where there other names considered?  My given name is Sherron Kaye Willes.  (pronounced Shur-Ron, Kae, Will-Us) My mom babysat a girl named Sherron, liked it and used it.  Sherron is an unusual name because it is kind of a made-up name.  The girl who my mom babysat had an uncle named Sherlyn and an uncle named Ron.  They combined the name to make Sherron.  My dad's name is Ron and he liked the name Ronnie, but my mom didn't.  They used the name Sherron because it was kind of a compromise with Ronnie.  So my name is kind of hijacked from a different family group of names.  My mom's name (LuJane) is a made-up name from her grandma Louie and her grandma Jane.  So I'll take the name made up from people I am not related to over a combination of my parent's name.  Sherron wins hands-down over LuRon.

In full disclosure, I don't know that they ever considered LuRon, I am making that name up and hating every bit of it. They did consider naming me Marcy and obviously decided not to.  My sister Kim named her first daughter Marcy (actually, her name is Marciella, but they call her Marcy).

Did you have any nicknames?  My sister called me Sherny and I have had a few close friends call me that as well.  Close friends have called me Shern, a name that my husband doesn't like.  My neighbor Laurette Davis called me She-Ra (you know, He-Man's twin sister!)

Elementary school kids called me Shrimpy Sherron because I was the one of the shortest kids in the grade. That only lasted up through the 3rd grade.  In junior and high school I had a lot of nicknames that were generated from teachers and substitutes mispronouncing my first and/or last name.  The guys picked up on the names and called me some of them.  So names like Sharon, Sheerun, Willys, Wills were used.  In my 9th grade typing class my teacher couldn't figure out how to say my name.  She called me Sherroon one day (rhymes with maroon) and my friend Jeff Nelson called me that for the next 4 years.  I didn't mind because he wasn't doing it to be mean, it became a fun nickname from him. In college guys would hear my name and start singing the song "My Sharona" by the Knack.  (Great, now I can't get that song out of my head!) Some of my roommates called me Ronnie which is how I found out that my dad wanted to name me Ronnie. 

When I met Daniel (my husband, not my brother), we were talking about nicknames and he started calling out nicknames for my name.  He was trying to say one that I had never heard before, but he wasn't able to come up with one that was new to me.  Every once in a while he would say a name and I would tell him that I had heard that one before.  In December he was telling me about Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song when he came up with a nickname that I had never heard and it has stuck.  Daniel's nickname for me is Sherronica.  When Mark was little he thought that my name was Sherronica!  Daniel is the only person who can call me Sherronica, though.  He made it up and has eternal dibbs on it. 

Changes

I have been thinking a lot about my blog lately.  I really enjoy keeping a blog and documenting the things that I do with my family.  My fear is that I don't document many of my feelings or emotions about the events.  I would like for my blog to be more than just a travel-log of the Taylor family.  Before I started this blog, I wrote weekly emails and sent them to family members and friends who didn't live close by.  I found that I would edit out my feelings and thoughts to keep the content happy and politically correct.  Occasionally I would write about my emotions, but I wouldn't send that part of the email out. 

This is where I have struggled with the idea of a public journal.  I want to and need to put more about me in these posts, but I am afraid of exposing myself or offending someone for how I feel about something.  I am not a mean person, but sometimes I have emotions and thoughts about how people behave or about things that happen to me and I feel that by not writing about these emotions, my personality and personal history gets lost. 

I intend for my blog to be more about me from now on.  I want this to be more than a series of what I did and who went with me.  I won't stop posting about what I did, but now and again, I want to include why I did what I did, how I felt about it and possibly what I learned from the experience. 

 I want people who read my blog to understand and know me better.  When I print out this blog,  I intend for my children to read it and I want them to know more about me, not just where I took them.  To facilitate this, I am starting a series of my personal history and other things about me.  My goal is to answer around four to eight questions about myself weekly.  I hope to do this every Sunday and have it ready to post by Monday.  I will make it a point to not only answer the question, but to also explain my answer.  If the question is what my favorite color is, I want to explain why that color is my favorite, not just give a one word answer. 

A wonderful quotation gave me the energy to go forward with the idea of writing more about how I feel and being honest with my emotions.  Here it is:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  -Dr. Seuss

 I really struggle with voicing my thoughts sometimes.   I especially struggle expressing my thoughts in writing.  I know that I am not a wonderful writer, I've never sought out to be an author, but I do enjoy writing a journal.  I know that I struggle with grammatical rules and the sort, but I am going to work on this and not worry about how others might react to my ineptitude.  This will be a good exercise for me to find my voice and be able to express myself in writing better.  Hopefully the more I do this, the easier it will become.

By the end of one year, I will have answered around 250 questions about myself.  I think that not only will this exercise help others to understand a little bit more about me, but it will help me to understand more about myself.  I am in the process of writing out questions and I will have my first series of answers ready to read next Monday, January 17. 

I was trying to figure out if I should call these Q&A posts by a series name (like Q&A week 1) but I can't decide.  While saving the document with the questions, I titled it Personal History Document.  If you take the first letters from each of these words, it spells PhD.  I love funny little things like this, so I like thinking that this could be called Sherron's PhD.